Saturday, January 31, 2009


until early this morning, i had been awake for nearly 48 hours, propelled by 3 hours of sleep and fuelled by copious amounts of caffeine. and i feel absolutely ill... not to mention my throat hurts to the point of needing severe painkillers. no kidding around, friends. so, other than heading out for the longest lunch break of my life and getting some gatorade, it's been yet another day in bed snuggled down with audrey hepburn films. it looks like tomorrow may be very similar, actually. i'd really just like to know what's wrong with me. one of those times when health insurance would come in handy.
i officially miss nashville. i'll just leave it at that.
though, i still miss london, most.
i unknowningly took this psychological test last night in the car while driving to richmond. i was to picture 3 items that in the end, represented myself, my friends and my lover. not only was it important how you viewed these items, but the proximity of these things, as well.
interestingly enough, i viewed them all completely separate from one another. none being together in the same scene. everything unattached. gosh, that's telling and mostly sad and pathetic.
i would just like to know why it's so easy for people to walk away from me. to leave me and never look back. why i'm a person who though, never really forgotten and maybe even often thought of, is never really missed. my presence isn't craved. i'm not the sort of person one would go miles for. i'm the pencilled in type. the afterthought, usually. the 'oh, i was on my way here, and i thought of you!'
but mostly, i love how so many people have this perception of me that is so very opposite.
and i'm tired of feeling sad. and if that's the theme for this year, then let's please fast-forward to next year. in the meantime, i'll be sipping my gatorade.

1 comment:

Auntie Amanda said...

its too early for sad this year. i refuse to let you have a year like my last year...we'll fix that. soon.