Tuesday, June 14, 2011
i think we took the long way to avoid the traffic.
and all i know is that i was nervous. a thousand emotions came flooding back, but with some sort of distant tone.
and all i know is that i picked up my phone and messaged a best friend who would understand.
i didn't understand the casual nature of her response.
i didn't understand why, though i was nervous, i wasn't completely freaking out.
i didn't care if i impressed him.
i just wanted to revisit the scene.
i just wanted to see…
i walked up to the gate. the same.
i heard the footsteps and pretended to be absorbed in my phone.
i saw his face and remembered.
like recalling a distant dream.
the conversations came easy.
we ate. we drank and were merry.
and we recalled the past…
the not so merry part…
or rather, i did…
i just wanted to see.
and forgiveness is a choice, after all…
and after tonight i'd leave that grave behind.
i found myself comparing the similarities.
and realized i was with a shadow of your past.
i saw a man who had let me in.
i saw a man who had received one too many blows.
i saw a man with a loyal heart…
and somewhere in there…
somewhere in his mind's eye he saw that i wasn't the same as all the others.
and he chose to run.
he didn't choose to stay, then.
which brings us to now.
i heard him speak of her…
but from behind the walls.
i heard him speak to her…
but from behind the walls.
and it made me a little sad.
sad to see him still there.
but hopeful that he'd find his way out someday…
like you did.
and i heard myself speak of you…
and i felt the butterflies swarm upward
the rush of blood to the head
and i couldn't wait to tell you again…
and you could hear it in my voice.
you could see it in my eyes.
i could feel myself light up
and i wanted you to feel it...
i wrote this song a while ago with the line,
"and we cried and we cried cause it was good to go free."
and back in the flat, looking over a deserted camden town
i cried and cried because it's so good to be free.
i took my heart to a place where the hurt ran deep
and it didn't hurt anymore
something beautiful has happened here.
something beautiful has begun…
love sent fear packing.
and i don't want it to ever let me go.
i wrote it down once
i said that if it ever happened to me
i'd search the dictionary for words to explain
and i wouldn't stop til the language was exhausted
and all i can do is absorb the peace
it fell like the dew in the morning
we were just contented in our houses
behind our walls
or pretending to be
like modern man looking at everything through a lens
and someone threw open a window
all i can do is breathe in hallelujahs
all my tongue can speak is thanks
every corner illuminated with enchantment
the southern heavy heated summer nights can't suffocate it
and the rains can't wash it away
rather dance in it
and i could dance all night
it feels like all of the stars are the soundtrack
filled in with laughter spilling from the heavens
like a rainy season after a draught
and then, i find myself quiet
and unsure of what to say
content to be reticent
a quiet peace mingling in the flames
it sounds like all of my favorite songs
all of my favorite sounds
ebbs and flows
happy to be overcome by this…
this orchestra weaving it's symphonies around me
like when we stood being wrapped up together
they danced around us
and some things blur
and some things become clearer
and some things disappear completely
and so many things unseen are waiting for us
waiting for us to make them move