Wednesday, December 30, 2009

choooons. [bright side of 2009 or the chords of sanity]

i made a list. and checked it twice (er a couple times, anyway.) and here's my list of favourites of the year. a countdown, if you will... including throwback tunes, an album i missed from last year, favourites of 2009, and my top 5 of the year.

let's begin with one of the bands i'm most excited to hear more from:


throw back release of the year that pretty much took up the bulk of the listening space in my head...

the beatles
allll of them. in stereo. epic. epic. win.

lots of wings. lots of mccartney. aka. ultimate dreamboat.

including a show moment of a lifetime which involved guestpasses to see mccartney, courtesy of matthew jones. (alright darling? yes.bruv.)

other obsessive throwback to classic album listening includes -

the kinks

and zeppelin.

the album from last year that slipped under my radar, which i have been unbelievably obsessed with would be
the kills - midnight boom.

and now on to my top albums of 2009...

boxer rebellion - union.

peter doherty - grace/wastelands
(i believe this is an apt description of the year as a whole)
one of my all time fave pete photos
by one of my favourite boys on EARTH, guy eppel

miike snow

local natives - gorilla manor
(us release comin soon.)

wild beasts - two dancers.
i still don't fully understand the obsession with this album. but listen again and again, i must.

jamie t - kings and queens

jack penate - everything is new
(soooo yummy.)

and all together now -
phoenix - wolfgang amadeus phoenix.

animal collective - merriweather post pavillion
(the real one is not far from me - random fact.)

grizzly bear - veckatimest

band of skulls - baby darling dollface honey

(album title of the year, AND most surprisingly AMAZING album as a whole... just out of no where. o.b.s.e.s.s.e.d)

franz ferdinand -tonight: franz ferdinand

ulysses single cover - guy eppel.

Florence & the Machine - Two Lungs

photo by the fantastic mister foxley...aka tom oxley (...m.i.a)

arctic monkeys -humbug
(humbug - one of my favourite words in the english language)
and i loved this album.
photo: oxley.

yeah yeah yeahs - it's blitz

and so is this glorious photo by mister eppel. win. win. win.

and my top 5 albums of 2009... (drumroll please.)

5.) Doves - Kingdom of Rust

4.) Jay-Z - Blueprint III.

3.) Bombay Bicycle Club - I had the Blues but I shook them Loose

2.) Kasabian - West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
also. 2nd favourite gig of the year. yesssssssssssss.

and number one... obviously.

The Maccabees - Wall of Arms

this album was like a breathing machine for me, keeping my broken heart alive again and again.
i love it.
i'm fond of those boys.
and if you don't have this album, well...

here's to 2010.

Monday, December 28, 2009

dearest american love.

Brown eyed lover born in spring
Running to the edge of me
And the jaws of hell could not reach
No the jaws of hell could not reach
Morning called his arms round me
And lulled his tired eyes to sleep
And the chill could no longer reach
The chill could no longer reach

He sang
Oh my dearest american love
You’re home, you’re home with me
Oh my dearest american love
You’re home, you’re home with me

The afternoon burst into flames
And he whispered courage to her veins
And their judging hands could not reach
And their judging hands could not reach
He stood upon the London street
And disclosed the tears to my shuffling feet
And their prying eyes could not reach
Their prying eyes could not reach

He sang
Oh my dearest american love
You’re home, you’re home with me
Oh my dearest american love
You’re home, you’re home with me

I’ll forgive the cruelest days
When foolish pride drew you away
When all my pleas couldn’t reach
When all my pleas couldn’t reach

I'll take you back into my arms
Silence all the false alarms
That say it's out of reach
I am not out of reach.

He sang
Oh my dearest american love
Come home, come home to me
Oh my dearest american love
Come home, come home to me

Sunday, December 27, 2009

let there be love.

"come on baby blue, shake up your tired eyes the world is waiting for you. may all your dreaming fill the empty skies"

Friday, December 25, 2009


i think she needs a pen.
i think she's right on track

he's got a fast car.
and she needs to get away.
they're not afraid to crash.
it happened all year long.
pathways to the moon
rockets to the sea
and oceans inbetween
they'll mock them.

from the background painted credits with gasoline need.
horses hooves to engines.
i think she needs a pen to roar.
he thinks he needs the cash to.
but mostly just belief to.

beside herself with grief.
beside her he's undone.
all these preconceived notions have withered
so sit beside her.
sit and wait gently, defiant son.
listen and talk straight

to see her soul
to see her face
unveiled beneath the golden sun.

your darling, then.
she'll stand.
burn the maps.
draw the maps.
and then, with pens.
take hands.
and run.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

strange times.

there is no tree.
virtually no christmas decorations.
no lights.
no stockings... i mean, except the ones i bought from urban outfitters.
(did we convert to judaism and i missed it?)
yet for the first time in years, i've actually mailed out christmas cards... and on time. i've christmas shopped, and i've turned into a christmas-cheer-spreading little elf this year.

someday i'd like to have some warm cozy lovely christmas with the family and friends and all the trimmings.
in the meantime, i'm content with this.

merry christmas!
and God bless us, everyone.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

just keep tellin me things things...

i loathe that i find him attractive.
the platinum hair keeps it under control.

but if he went brown? God help me.

in other news.

so far. so good.
well, a couple of them are alright. the rest... heard it all before. bleh.
however the black keys/mos def/q-tip bits are ridiculous! hoooray!

stars so close you could reach up and kiss them.

The ladies cackle and suspect and drop household names in conversation as though they know them well. But, they know nothing about the people behind these names. I disengage in the gossip, distracted with my own preoccupations. Some tweet which leads to some photo on some webpage… and in my mouth is the first taste of something else. In the background sits a sofa. And I feel rather foolish as, honestly I care less for the subject than I do for the sofa on which my mind will rest itself for a moment, alight, and take me on a pilgrimage to the past. Another lingering moment later, and I’ll admit that I still cherish the eyes that captured it and let a sigh escape me, unaware of myself. I was the apple of those eyes. Warm, intense brown eyes that searched the inviting room behind open windows. Eyes that would see what I still cannot.
And sometimes my memory serves me that sweet injustice of calling you back… of bringing me back… bringing us back. I wonder if you remember my arms, languid with wine and draped upon the invisible shoulders of the night. Without a word, I beckoned your frame back to hold them up instead. You obliged with kisses. The ones my mouth won’t forget. The ones new lovers share. Impatient and yet, savoured to tide us over until we could disappear again. I gave thanks with reciprocity before the cold crept in to swell and crack the intimacy. before the fear laid siege to your heart... only after I felt it beat in my own chest. The first beats, sure to become my favourite song. A song I try to forget. Crescendo. Silence.

"My God, I'm fond of you."

It sounds so hollow now and echoes in the vacant hallways where the roots of you were beginning to dig deep, down the paths beneath my skin.
It’s here a memorial stands and crushes the words of some boy who once said, "forget him."
It's here I remember.
It's here that I miss you.
And without bitterness or loss of affection, I hate it.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

good news. bad news.

rest in peace, beautiful brittany...

good news...
ratm = #1 christmas.
i dont have anything in particular against x-factor...exactly. i
think the reason this is so exciting... the deeper thing happening, is that a bunch of people got together to make something happen. to change something. i was just talking to my manager about that... about how corrupt the governments are. but the real issues are things we can do in spite of the government. we, as a people, without borders, without needing a bill passed in congress, without the house of parliament... we the people, as citizens of the earth, can change something if we want to. if an old rage against the machine song can top the charts over x-factor, what else can we accomplish??

p.s. my neighbour is snow-blowing us out. the state won't plow our street, as it's private, and no one else has come to do it yet.
i'm learning a deep lesson today about the goodness of people. still.

take that grinchy.

think. thank. thunk.

mom spent the night last night. slumber party. woot!
we got up early this morning, because she's one of those manditory employees at the hospital. we got things going rather well, but when it came to getting back to the worn path, was a bit tough.
so a bunch of men in the neighbourhood helped my mom get her truck... unstuck.
then, my neighbour and i dug paths from our houses to the cars.
a guy down the street offered to help me... twice. and also offered me coffee.
what is this the twilight zone?
i like it though.
however, i'm very close to calling 911.
because that man has stirred my need for a white mocha.
i need starbucks.
i can't drive (they haven't plowed yet...) and i need it.
i'm developing cabin fever big style, and not a soul is on chat.

Friday, December 18, 2009

martha, my dear...

what is this?!?!

  • remembrance week for ____________? i dont need to have fond memories right now. i'm tired of that place being sore. i'm...just bein' honest. i hate when things aren't resolved. i hate losing friends. moreover, i hate losing people you care about for no good reason. if he could hear me, i'd shout, "listen, fool, i effing miss you. i miss you a lot, now get over your weirdness and let's go back to the start! this is beyond stupid and ridiculous and wank."
  • i hate knowing that nothing you say or do will change how a situation is.
  • overdraft fun. 2 weeks of cutting it close.
    (thankfully christmas shopping is complete. just need to ship some packages and mail some cards.)
  • more tears last night.
  • and i still can't even talk about my family. ugh.
  • i'm grinched in hipster glasses and a victoria's secret santa hat.

so let's calm down and change the subject.
or just watch this instead:

Thursday, December 17, 2009

bottle up and...

he scans his watches
so intrepid with his want and need
Carve out the notches
telling stories of the darling greed
And so dramatic
In his way of stating mundane things
Hold her
It’s automatic
Fall down at your shrine of printed queens

Oh use caution
When these explosions of trust go off
Oh take care when
We refuse to just stop.
It’s enough.
Is it not?

Beneath disaster
Pages bound to tell us what it means
An explanation
None arrives so hide the wound that bleeds
Into our bloodstream
All of it in ink beneath our skin
The mouth of vengeance
Bitterness will bite til it forgives

Oh use caution
When these explosions of trust go off
Oh take care when
We refuse to just stop.
It’s enough.
Is it not?

up up and away!

i am a rocket. you are an anchor down.


stella mccartney. again. again. again.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


was in a box on my bed when i got home yesterday.

courtesy of andy.
sweet boy.

t i n h e a d

i've said it before. and i'll say it again.
i love his work.

i mean, the boy isn't too bad either.

just sayin.
t i n h e a d .

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

local native thanksgiving.

i think i'm most susceptible to doing stupid things when i'm required to wait. i mean, i could do something productive like practice music, write a song, read a book, put in some overtime, call a friend, write an email or better yet a letter... on paper... and actually mail it..., renew my passport (dangit.), go for a run, watch that holiday boxset of charlie brown dvds!
or i could do something stupid, like become really self-absorbed and over-analyse life unnecessarily, scan myself over for flaws and then nit-pick at them for hours at a time, until i find myself shopping to make myself look/feel better and freak out about things i can and cannot change when the changing room lights are unforgiving. and the things that can be changed, i'll embark upon conquering by force which usually results in more harm than good... and the things that can't be changed, i'll build a sess-pool of self-pity in the foundations of endless comparisons to this or that person and wallow there in my self-imposed and self-magnified pity for ages and ages.

i started walking down this ridiculous road again.
and let the unexplained actions of others define who i think i am.
and took off the gloves, and put on the rings and started wailing on myself.
but, this isn't a boxing ring or a dungeon. it's a waiting room.

so, last night i tucked myself in bed, and could just feel him scoop me up. i could hear the truth loud and clear in the form of a whisper i can't ignore.

fact is, things are getting really exciting around here. and in the midst of this crippling heartache and fear lurking to choke out courageous heartbeats... i'm still singing.
and the fact is that even though it can certainly feel awful lonely... i'm most certainly far from alone.

i have the most beautiful people in my life.
and i don't need them to be perfect.

i don't need them to fill me.
because neither of those things will ever happen in this lifetime.
but in the words of oasis -
"we need each other. we believe in one another. and i know we're gonna uncover what's sleeping in our souls"

i'm thankful for texts and emails throughout the day that make me laugh, that challenge me, and make me think, or make me smile... i'm thankful for friends who share their hearts with me, just because. i'm thankful for words of encouragement. i'm thankful for random acts of kindness like handing over a local natives album, just because. i'm thankful for 2 amazing managers who are some of the sweetest guys you'll ever meet, and they get the crap done. i'm thankful for a family who is well acquainted with sorrow which has made its arms strong for holding and hearts enlarged for a love bigger than each of us in it. i'm thankful for a God who lets me look him full in the face and say "i dont understand anything about you." who allows me to room to boldly question and doubt him, and still holds me and surrounds me with a love of depths and heights i cannot fathom.

nothing has changed really.

i'm still in the waiting room.
but my heart is bursting with thanks.
and that changes everything.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

on fire.

maybe the gig went rather well.
maybe my managers are sweet sweet sweet people.
maybe after hanging out with favourite friends from london aaaand nashville...
maybe i took clive and went to an invite-only myspace music launch party.
and maybe i saw kasabian in a 1500 capacity venue which wasn't full...
maybe i was quite close to the front.
and maybe tonight was a highlight of the year.


last night.

i felt like a ragdoll.
being pulled by two people.
note to self: do not drink liquor after wine.
my tummy hates that a lot.

yesterday... i had my first real turkish meal. soooo soooo nice.
and i played my first bosendorfer piano.
good heavens, that was a wonderful experience. and it may be the only thing i like better than a yamaha. thankfully bosendorfer is a subsidiary of yamaha. i don't feel so badly about it.

off to