Thursday, August 19, 2010

once upon a dream. [on one hand.]

As far as I can recall, I have had 2 very vivid dreams that I was getting married. In both dreams, I stood at the altar with this blurry faced man. In the first one, the pastor was saying the vows and then came the 'I do' parts. The man was ever so enchanted and very deliberately and softly with all of the love in the world said, "I do." And I... well, I absolutely panicked. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything but dread. I absolutely panicked. However, in the first dream, I came to my senses. Kind of like God saying, "Girl... SNAP OUT OF IT" and so, I said yes.
In the second dream, however, the pastor asks if anyone objects... I looked wildly around me to the faces of my closest friends... to my maid of honour holding my bouquet... the whole room fell silent. Once again, I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything but dread, and a scream was welling up in me like a flood. What felt like hurricane force winds, only came out in a whisper, but it was the hardest hitting whisper I've ever uttered. It could've broken glass in that little chapel. I said, "I can't do this." The man was angry. He was frustrated. He didn't seem heartbroken, just aggrivated. And I was relieved.

I am a romantic tried and true. Because no matter what happens, it will resurface and flood this little heart of mine again and again. So, it probably goes without saying that this last dream seems incredibly out of character for a girl like me. I've started realising though, lately, that the prospect of actually being in a relationship freaks me out. I'm not really sure why though. The moment I begin to pen the first wistful song of romance for some boy who happens to be chasing... is the moment, I flick the turbo charge switch and my finger is on the NOS button. So, unless you're driving the deloreon from Back to the Future, I assure you, I won't be had. Growing up to be a girl version of Rex Harrison as Henry Higgins sounds like the best idea I've ever had! Until I listen to Sinatra or start watching a french film... little romantic starts dancing in my head. Which brings me to the other hand...

1 comment:

Izabela said...

I am a believer of love ...
an endangered species
and therefore live in days like these ..... when "The point's that there is not no romance around there" (for genius Mr. Tunner) ..... is pretty hard to live, but I'm buying this "love" or whatever it is really this feeling ..... but then fear freezes me: will he buy back this love?