gig. jig. perfectionist. forgetfulness.

I had a gig last night at the Lock Tavern. I would just like to say, it was such such such fun. The room was full of familiar faces, and only a few strangers. My friends are amazing. I'm so thankful for them and their support and encouragement and for just coming out and bringing friends with them. They also lift the really heavy keyboard we seem to rent every time, which makes them champions in my mind. Clive, Jim, Matt and Lewis. The usual helpers. Elena took some photos. And other friends travelled from other towns. I wish they knew how crazy I am about them. I was especially excited about the fact that Ayah and Rami came with Tom. FREAKED OUT HAPPY. Finally had some facetime. Good stuff, indeed.

What I don't understand is how, sometimes, I feel I've had the worst performance ever, and my constructive criticism crew says it was the best ever. But, then times like last night, I feel, overall, it was far more confident and I feel good about the gig afterward (I mean, there were places that felt strange due to it being a small gig with no real sound check and things) ... there is always room for improvement. always. and i'm thankful for honesty, but when my constructive criticism crew says things like, "yeah, it was great but... and then fill in the blanks with the issues." It gets a little trying. As I've said, I'm already a perfectionist... and so I'm trying to be on my A-game all the time. They chide me a bit for being nervous, but I'm used to being nervous. Nerves are good, as long as they don't take over. So I've stopped mentioning how nervous I am, and flutter around the room talking with people. I feel like whenever I have a gig here, there's always so much riding on it. And I'm supposed to be aware of that, and yet forget it when it's time to perform. So last night, I just stopped caring and just had a really good time. The general consensus was that it was the most confident performance ever... but the vocals weren't the strongest. So after doing everything on this trip, booking the gig, getting the industry kids down... basically self-managing... I've worked really hard on this one, and it's frustrating when my constructive criticism team has more points to make. Actually, Conor was really annoyed with some of this feedback... so I didn't feel so ridiculous.

I was nervous beforehand, and thought it would be best not to eat a whole lot... as you do before singing and then I had a lot of red wine. Oops. I really need to stop forgetting to eat.

There was this guy there last night who was like this amazing mixture of Patrick Watson and Jeff Buckley. He sang amazing grace and I almost cried. He said he loved my voice. His set was so beautiful. Amy, Rachel, Elena and I were all in love. And so were the boys, actually. I think Chard was as giddy as Elena in speaking to him after his set.

Slowly everyone made their way back home, and the evening came to a close with Conor and Elena speaking french to each other... and story telling... and falling asleep on the couch.

This morning, I've returned the keyboard after having managed to get a couple of hours of sleep...

Now off to sort out some meetings.

And the beat goes on...