I arrived in Nashville on Friday night. It is now Wednesday… and everything feels like a surreal dream. Like I'm part of some surrealist painting… and I'm not sure what everything means.
I need a job. And quite frankly, I want a job. One can't go from being a work-a-holic to jobless and be just fine with it, now can they? Besides, there are bills to pay… mouths to feed and aint nothing in this world for free. Except at Whole Foods. The other night, Emilia and I went there and ended up receiving a free piece of chocolate annnnnd a free slice of vegetarian pizza. Sweet hands of victory.
I live in a super cute house in east nashville and my room is finally done. I think the thing is, that there are 3 main pieces of furniture in it… and those 3 pieces are new. And there is nothing familiar about it, but the accents. And so, somehow, I feel like this is someone else's room. Or a cozy space that I'm occupying. But it's yet to sink in that it is MY room… I still feel like i'm on a weird vacation.
I like things like being able to go to a coffee shop and randomly run into friendly faces. Pretty faces and handsome faces. But, nonetheless, faces I've seen on my computer screen and would like to hang out with more often. And now, I can. I like when people say things like, "welcome home." It's the same excited/comfortable feeling that happens when you fly back from a foreign country, and see the "welcome home" signs for the US citizen/US residents. No matter how sad you were to leave the place you just were… there's something to that phrase… 'welcome home'. Obviously. I've typed it 3 times in this paragraph.
It's ever so nice to wake up to sweet messages in the morning… followed by an onslaught of banter and play fighting. I have a new playmate/long-distance companion/friend, and I assure you that I'm not sure how I would've made it through the first few days of this transition to Nashville without him. FACT. It's also nice to have some of your best girl friends within a 5 mile radius. I can't even handle the loveliness of that. I'm thankful.
There are a couple of things that remain so very confusing. and waiting on the job? I'm so bad at waiting.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch… I will say that everything feels new. Scary. Exciting. That whole 'what have I gotten myself into' question repeating itself like a broken record…
which reminds me of listening to old records on my great-grandparents record player in their basement in Alexandria, Virginia. The smell of the basement… how scared I was of certain parts without the lights on. The copy of the mona lisa on top of a file cabinet… the old clothes… uniforms and dresses… the lionel train set… so many things come swarming back to me. I sometimes wish I could just make a bunch of money and buy that house back and leave it in our family for generations to come.
Oh wait. I am the generations to come… weird.
Annnnnd I'm tired and far too thoughtful for my own good. I'll leave this little fruit salad of thoughts as is… and get to sleep. And if I'm very lucky, I'll wake up to sweet messages again to get the day started before embarking upon another day of job searching.