autumnal advances.

the one thing i love about london is the fact that autumn is already here. everyone is in their long sleeves and jeans and boots galore. this is excellent because i can do a little autumn/winter shopping without it feeling ridiculous whatsoever.

yesterday was spent browsing the streets of east london with clive. it was nice to just walk around with no particular place to go. not to mention, it was so quiet on those streets. i did manage to get a couple of bracelets i fell in love with. but i feel shopping is probably best done with a girlfriend. and lucky me, there are a few wonderful prospects for such things. namely, my new friend amy. we're pretty much soul mates and i might be a tiny bit in love with her. haha

last night, jim, rachel & chard joined us and we went on a bit of a pub crawl in camden. we started at the lock tavern, and found a lucky little table in the beer garden. upon leaving the lock tavern, we were given the option to have a stamp on our hands. apparently this was a good idea, so i got one. it says in all caps, "FAG". at the hawley arms our conversations changed to conspiracy theories and other such random things. we also found out that chard is actually the center of the universe, which i found strangely comforting. jim taught us the 'double lean'. a girl was chatting to him and another friend walked up, and so he casually rested his arms on the shoulders of both the girl & the friend. this... is the double lean. (men, take notes.)

the bouncer at the last place of which i am constantly forgetting the name, remembered me. he heard me talking on the phone the night before, and i happened to let out an exaggerated/giggly/loud-ish "OH MY GOOOOD". he burst into laughter and did his best/worst american impression. this of course made me laugh more... and so for the rest of the night and last night, he'd shout it back to me. i dont feel all that memorable, especially in a city like london ... in an area like camden where you are always seeing different faces. but it seems i am? hmmm. anyway, chard loves coming back to clive's place around the time the clubs and pubs are closing, because the street fills up with people... so he sits in the window and watches them. then he starts shouting down to them/heckling them. clive is always afraid a brick will get thrown through the window. so far so good. it's also been one of chard's latest and greatest in friend making techniques. that, and using words like massive unit to describe an incredibly tall and muscular russian bouncer. (Chard was very VERY excited to make his acquaintance...and the bouncer liked this attention.)

there were some really good conversations last night, as well. as i was listening to rachel pour out her heart about some things, i found myself amazed again. it never ceases to amaze me the things a human will put up with under the guise of 'love'. the things we talk ourselves into and out of. the things we believe about ourselves that are blatantly lies, because we are literally the only one who sees things that way. (tongue-twister) how quick we are to run back to the past or continually try to resurrect it, or to jump to the future. and a lot of times, this is because we're so afraid to be alone with ourselves, or afraid of hurting. and how much we need to just talk and be heard and have someone hold our hands, if only just to say.... i've been where you are.

i did, however, receive some unexpected encouragement... i was summarizing much of what has been written in this blog for chard, and he said something like this...

"i dont believe in fate. i believe that we have a lot of control over our destiny. and you are in this place where, yeah, you're working really hard... but you have a goal. you know what you want. and you're going to get there. i admire that. because a lot of people just live to work and live on the weekend. but you are working hard, but you're working for something. and i bet that every night your head hits the pillow, you can sleep knowing you've given it all you've got. i think you're in a wonderful place. yeah it's hard and it sucks now, but it will be all that much more worth it when things start coming together. i really admire you."

if i flew across the atlantic to hear that, it was worth it. alas. i won't box in destiny. it's only sunday, and it's just getting started.

mostly, on this sunday afternoon, i need coffee.