Monday, June 1, 2009

can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?

Everyone talks about the way a woman seems to glow when she’s in love. Something begins to bloom. Something about her is so alive. Just like a flower unveiling its beauty in the sunlight, something is also so very much at rest. There is no striving, though the clouds may come. It just is. Beautiful…and becoming. On display… inviting. Filling the air with fragrance. Just being all it was created to be. And there’s something so very good and sweet about the simplicity of all that.

This is how I feel in London.
It’s not that conditions become perfect and everything is ideal because I’m suddenly some sort of test-tube flower under UV lamps. Something in me calms down. Something stops striving. Something feels a little more adventurous. A little more at peace. In spite of the fears that run around like fixed horses on a merry-go-round. All of my dreams are at my fingertips. Every morning I wake up I can taste them and smell them and feel them getting closer and closer. There's an overwhelming security of the love of my family and close friends from home. And my little trembling heart is absolutely overwhelmed by the love of friends all around me.

Some people are meant to be doctors or lawyers or painters or teachers or whatever... All i want in the whole world is just to be able to create...specifically music, at the moment. But, to be able to live to do what I was meant to do. I want to love my friends and family. And learn to love them better every single day. And learn to be loved when that gets harder to accept and trust every day. And perhaps someday a certain mister to take his heart and put it next to mine, and renovate some walls to make one big house for the two of us to share...

having said all of this, i had a wonderful time.
but mostly i can't wait to call london home.

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