underwater

i was walking down the stairs

the foyer welcomed and sang to the rhythm of my heels

exit.

each door has its own way.

across the street

through the headlights.

they're deep in conversation and if i know them, i wouldn't recognize them anyway

i couldn't hear a word they were saying

or notice the song playing for the patrons...

glasses clinking, plates presenting...

it's all one sound

muffled by my own breathing

i'm wandering round inside my own head

the same ridiculous thoughts

and i can blow the ordinary things out of proportion

it's a gift.

it's a curse.

i didn't notice the grass.

just the sinking of my heels in the soft ground...

moved faster as though i was being hunted

toward the river

the branches didn't scratch, but seemed to move out of my way

stepped out of my shoes

remembered just how cold it actually is

i'd appeal to the current and beg it to make me clean

even if in just some sort of mystical symbolism

i'd take it.

i'll take it.

take it from me.

all that i took to heart...

all that i memorized...

all the phantom sensations...

i'm convinced they are true.

so sign me up for the classes

and reinvent me

rewrite me

and insight some sort of chorus

like a ring on my finger

like indelible markings of ownership on my heart

i'll stay under a moment longer just in case it makes a difference

heady and dizzy the pace races and slows

like the surface is begging me to

come up for air

and i took in the air in my lungs

like a thirsty mouth takes a drink

and i'll leave one request here.

make it new.