Thursday, February 26, 2015

Imagine if we all told the truth about our lives.
Imagine what a difference we might really make.
If we didn't hide behind pretty fonts and catchphrases and hashtags. If our faces were bare with no filters or blur tools. I love instagram for sharing beautiful things. I love capturing life and sharing the little pieces. But it isn't all of life. If you saw all of my life, you'd likely sit down and weep next to me, because, at present it isn't pretty here. Maybe my excuse is that I'm trying to celebrate the small beautiful things. But I want to confess that you are not seeing everything. It isn't the whole picture.
My soul is in agony.  There are decisions to be made that I never thought I would have to make.
My heart is broken. I have been rejected and cheated again and again. I feel abandoned. My number one priority relationship of the kind that is chosen... is hanging on by a thread. A thread that is unraveling. And it feels like my heart hangs over the edge of a cliff.  The person holding the other end, deigns to hold it... there is no passion. There is no pursuit. No fighting for love. No valiant effort.

When I was very young, I saw Cinderella for the first time. I wanted to be her. I identified with her in many silly and many real ways. I'm not a damsel in distress longing for rescue. I'm a strong woman. A queen, deserving of a king. But, I have been discarded like a piece of trash on the side of the road. I see myself in that way, sadly, and so I have allowed it.

Every choice I make is making indelible marks on the canvas of my little girl.
Every day I am building her foundation.

It's time to stand up.
It's time to remember...
Who I am.
Who's I am.
What I always wanted to be.
The woman I wanted to become.
It's time to listen...
to the beat of my heart.
to the song in my spirit.
to the truth.

I have hit the canyon floor.
I can lay down... or stand up.
And honestly, I've felt like I can't stand up... but I'm fighting to.

And that's when I heard it...

You are lifted.

No comments: