yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon.

if romance causes you to see la vie en rose... then, fear paints it black. but not in a rolling stones way. in a creepy, messed up psycho serial killer sort of way. it stalks all of your joy and picks it off sniper style. it taints your ability to be thankful. suddenly the world is dumbed down to being all about you. it wears rings of paranoia on it's fingers and offers it's jacket of loneliness to your shivering bones. it wails on you and leaves imprints of rejection on your skin. these are your lessons. and you live in constant regret of intimacy. in all of this, there comes a stockholm syndrome and you start thinking the fear is protecting you. and if left untreated you just begin to mimic it by sabotaging everything you want to protect and everything you want to love better.

i chose a life of love.

love is dangerous.

but it's good.

and the only other option is fear.

which is basically hell.

let go, nitasha. just. let. go.