Saturday, October 2, 2010

oh what a night. late december back in 63. [blogs in cryptic plain-speak]

today is a day i can't even begin to describe to you. i nearly died about 4 times due to crazy drivers. had a non-existent job interview, that turned into a sort of interview for a position that has been filled, but just in case... you get the idea. chickened out at the front door of a certain restaurant after seeing a friend of someone there. (cryptic? apologies.) decided it best to just return home and start the day over. another near accident later, i was home. saw another job advertised, resolved to apply for it immediately, which i did. that is, after getting lost and then found and lost and then found in front of the very restaurant to which i was going to apply. as i walked in the door, there was an elderly gentleman missing most of his teeth, sitting on a barstool next to his wheelchair. he was drinking his afternoon beer, so it seemed, and he told me to come sit down and rest my bones. there was a younger older man next to him typing on his macbook... but not the sort of guy you'd imagine to be typing on his macbook. that's what you get for having macbook stereotypes. anyway, the older man asked how my day was. i didn't want to lie... but rather than hesitate, i chose to remember the fact that my morning was MADE with a chat session with mr. molloy, as well as a pretty swanky restart, not to mention crema in my future... so i gave the positive answer alluding to the fact that my day was going well and i smiled at him. he told me i had a very nice smile, and then asked for a second opinion from the macbook man. he was a bit jolted out of his cyber world for a moment and disinterested in this panel of judging, however, he looked up, took a double take, and then agreed that i did have a lovely smile indeed. by this point, as nice as it all was, i wanted to melt into the floor. hello blushing red cheeks. eeps. at this point the older gentleman said, "a smile like that... you should be in hollywood" - hello made day. of course this made me look like an embarrassed cheshire cat. "and that's a compliment" he said. LOVELY.
i applied for the job, and made my way to crema, where i had a very long heart to heart with emilia... and filled in the blanks she'd missed over the last year or so in her travels. we both cried some on that porch. enter another character of life... exit emilia... enter commercial break with an old friend and his fiance. i found out, at this point, that a friend of mine, not only used one of my songs in his wedding, but his lovely bride walked down the aisle to it. another heart explosion. back to reality. cue mumford & sons to make things extra interesting... (and by interesting, i mean extra clear.) kisses via text (just in case i needed another shove in the right direction) sat back down with character waiting on the crema porch and had one of the most confusing conversations (albeit good conversations) i have ever had in my life. top 2. excellent. (sort of sarcasm. sort of not.) also, it left me with my pride slightly wounded. scratched, if you will, and a lingering sense of uneasiness. sometimes the truth is uncomfortable. sometimes it cuts you a little when it's releasing the ropes from your arms. i left that place understanding more of what was going on in my head and heart and scared out of my trees, because of it.

as a result, i got home, sat on my bed and had one of the sweetest conversations i've ever had in my life. in this conversation, i just got real honest with myself and this person. and i cried like a baby. i just let go. he knows what i feel. i've known it. but it's something else entirely when you can just admit it out loud and relax in it.
emilia came home, and she was thrilled that i had finally admitted what even she knew.
why am i always the last to know?
after this, i went to battered and fried with stephy... had sushi and a cosmo and good conversation as always. i love that girl so freaking hard. and i'm fiercely protective of her heart. took her home, and then, as i made my way back to the house, i released it all to a mumford and sons track. walked in my house, which was filled with selena tunes, and emilia dancing around with a paintbrush. we talked and then giggled about random things. i am now back on my bed attempting to verbalize this day in a methodical fashion. but the fact is, it was weird and out of control and taxing on my head/heart.
but so good. i mean, sweet.
and a peace has settled along with the coffee jitters.
everything feels overwhelming and strange and beautiful and scary.
but good.
i can't stop yawning.
my heart is full.
so long weird weird day.

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