i applied for the job, and made my way to crema, where i had a very long heart to heart with emilia... and filled in the blanks she'd missed over the last year or so in her travels. we both cried some on that porch. enter another character of life... exit emilia... enter commercial break with an old friend and his fiance. i found out, at this point, that a friend of mine, not only used one of my songs in his wedding, but his lovely bride walked down the aisle to it. another heart explosion. back to reality. cue mumford & sons to make things extra interesting... (and by interesting, i mean extra clear.) kisses via text (just in case i needed another shove in the right direction) sat back down with character waiting on the crema porch and had one of the most confusing conversations (albeit good conversations) i have ever had in my life. top 2. excellent. (sort of sarcasm. sort of not.) also, it left me with my pride slightly wounded. scratched, if you will, and a lingering sense of uneasiness. sometimes the truth is uncomfortable. sometimes it cuts you a little when it's releasing the ropes from your arms. i left that place understanding more of what was going on in my head and heart and scared out of my trees, because of it.
as a result, i got home, sat on my bed and had one of the sweetest conversations i've ever had in my life. in this conversation, i just got real honest with myself and this person. and i cried like a baby. i just let go. he knows what i feel. i've known it. but it's something else entirely when you can just admit it out loud and relax in it.
emilia came home, and she was thrilled that i had finally admitted what even she knew.
why am i always the last to know?
after this, i went to battered and fried with stephy... had sushi and a cosmo and good conversation as always. i love that girl so freaking hard. and i'm fiercely protective of her heart. took her home, and then, as i made my way back to the house, i released it all to a mumford and sons track. walked in my house, which was filled with selena tunes, and emilia dancing around with a paintbrush. we talked and then giggled about random things. i am now back on my bed attempting to verbalize this day in a methodical fashion. but the fact is, it was weird and out of control and taxing on my head/heart.
but so good. i mean, sweet.
and a peace has settled along with the coffee jitters.
everything feels overwhelming and strange and beautiful and scary.
i can't stop yawning.
my heart is full.
so long weird weird day.