Monday, March 16, 2009

it's still comin in blurry, the images i see. but someday it will all come clear, and i will be set free.

warning: this is being written on about 2 hours of sleep...

- i love kimberly a lot. (irregardless of lack of sleep)
- there is a boy who makes me happy. (also irregardless of lack of sleep.)
- "i must find why my mind is behaving like a dancer."
- work is not where i'd like to be today.
- mistrust is creeping into my heart yet again.
- how can i be so infinitely doubtful and stupid?
- what am i waiting for again?
- oh right. the impossible dream.
basically this. as much as i love and embrace this situation... as beautiful as this is. as breathtaking the expectancy. as absolutely marvelous...
it's hard. and there are days when i'm angry to the point of tears. and i don't even care who's watching. because i wonder if it's actually worth it.

today i'm angry. because i've lost sight of hope. and i'd rather give in...and sit in the shade of that happiness.

fleeting happiness vs. eternal joy.

catch 22. simply because i am angry...because i am impatient, wise in my own foolish eyes, attempting to wrestle truth with my fists full of mistrust.

"but i don't want medication, just give me liberation even if it cuts my legs right out from underneath... even when living feels just like death to me."

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