what are you doing new year's, new year's eve?

Give strong drink to him who is perishing,
And wine to those who are bitter of heart.
7 Let him drink and forget his poverty,
And remember his misery no more.

the bible is full of fun things. hmmm.

since i was a little girl, i'd get so so so excited about new year's eve! like, another christmas, but without presents. and sometimes you'd get lucky and there'd be some fun candy or something special. and besides you get to stay up past midnight! i mean, what?! but i remember my mom always feeling as though it was just another day. lots of people being like that, in fact. and i think it's the one time of year that my grandma is an idealist. so she'd get excited. i think mostly, because i was excited. i remember being in my adolescent years and spending it with my cousins in falls church, virginia at my great-grandparents house.... running around getting hot and sweaty (cos it was boiling in the house) and we were bundled up. and we'd watch mtv's nye countdown. and of course, i'd cross my fingers for an oasis video to make it. at which point i'd glue myself to the tv and watch it, as though i'd never seen it before and search for alan white's appearances and airdrum the rare solo... or raise my hands in the air to call for one moment of silence for all involved. hahahaha. i was a mess. i still am a mess.
i remember dreaming of the day i'd get kissed at 12.00. (still bloody waiting on that one...&%$#@!) haha.
i also remember another nye... when my then boyfriend stopped talking to me altogether. the eve of 2006, i believe. i remember him breaking up with me on the 1st of the year via email. it still hurts a bit, to revisit that.

and once again, rhythms of hopeful expectation have been overdubbed by the dreariness of disappointment. no more. no less.
i believe that nye is the time of year i should go away. turn off the clock. and sleep like rip van winkle. well, at least for a day.
i'm afraid the sparkle for new year's eve is officially gone. or perhaps i'm celebrating it on the wrong calendar. i think i just need to convert to judaism and screw the whole thing, after all.
or perhaps i should adjust an old passover adage for this occasion... next year in london.