it's hard to accept yourself as someone you don't desire.

i have never felt so ugly... so used... and so unwanted in such a very long time.

"for our question is: 'Am I Lovely?"

and to be rejected is to hear a resounding. NO. "

i hear 'no' like a cd that's broken and skipping.

if a new heart has been created in me. if a new palace created from the ashes of my heart... then, a new war has been declared. and an atomic bomb has just been dropped on it. knowingly or unknowingly, many hands have helped set this in motion.

today i was minding my own business at one of my favourite places in east nashville. a song came on, and i literally had to excuse myself and run to my car to cry.

my heart is sick, friends. i am not ok at all.

"there's a low low feeling around me and a stone cold feeling inside. i just can't stop messing my mind up... wasting my time."