i'm not calling you a liar. just don't lie to me.

random streams of consciousness:

• i got some really good news today which made me get teary with happy tears. which is SUPER rare. however, it's still too premature to shout it out.
• i wonder why i have to take the lead. there's nothing to lead, or so you said. but, then you come around killing me softly. i mean...what?
• it's strange. i don't even know what i want or what i'm thinking. or if i'm even thinking at all? mainly i'm just trying to keep moving. to keep focused. it's like when you're running or working out or something, and you've hit your threshold of pain, and then suddenly everything goes numb. and you realise, if you stop right now, you won't get back up. but, if you just keep moving, you'll get someplace... or something.
• why are you silent and distant? it hurts. i keep thinking you must hate me. i'm not sure why. i'm good at that sort of thing. making people run from me. then, i keep talking myself out of this nonsense. but let's be honest. i don't like it. and i wonder if it isn't nonsense at all.
• don't ever ponder the genius of the beatles...esp. sir mccartney. you will go mad. i am. most definitely. i am also ready to sink into an abyss of grief that i will miss him this saturday.
• everyday a dj saves my life.
• i like my blackberry. he needs a name... a classy grand sort of name. the ipod is winston iii. perhaps kensington? hmmm.
• i love/hate how certain songs make you feel closer to a person.
• is it time to book flights yet?
• i am addicted to roald dahl's short stories.
• "will we always be just like little kids going group to group. asking who loves me? dunno who loves me. it's pathetic. it's impossible. like girls in stilettos trying to run."
• if you've seen 'the edge of love' i completely and utterly relate to sienna miller's character in this season of my life.
• why did you tell me to forget him?
• i wish you were here to sit and laugh with. and dance around.
• i wish you were here to do life with. i miss sitting in our living room and painting and singing along to coldplay and pondering life's mysteries, and wondering aloud at my ridiculous luck with the opposite gender, drinking herbal tea, having face masks, burning candles, making ridiculous videos, and laughing until everything hurts.
• i like days when my whole family gets together and we have a good time.
• carl's icecream is still miraculous.
• i am shakin in my boots about recording tomorrow.
• i like that jamie t sampled "hungarian dance" on his track 'dance of the young professionals"
• i miss all of you who hold pieces of my heart in londontown. i'm comin soon!!!