scrawling madly on the walls

i can't shake the heavy blue

sitting on my chest like an elephant

saying over and over and over again

songs and chants of dread

painting the walls of the padded room red

at least they are in my head.

they'd instruct you to call them quickly

they'd say it's a state of emergency

and so i went to sleep instead

praying the heart would beat dead

oh but i'm wide awake

and the cruelty of memory refuses to break

hold on to the covers as though dangling from a cliff

and just what would happen if i loosened my grip

but all you can feel here is sick

sick

sick.

and all of the words like exploding red brick

go back to sleep.

wait for unconsciousness to pounce

wait for the racing heart to slow

slow down, please.

i looked up and watched the clouds merging.

billowing like smoke from some angry volcano

or making shapes for some sweethearted child

i don't know.

it just depends on how you see it, really.

i waited my whole life for this

and it broke me.

it broke me.