sitting on my chest like an elephant
saying over and over and over again
songs and chants of dread
painting the walls of the padded room red
at least they are in my head.
they'd instruct you to call them quickly
they'd say it's a state of emergency
and so i went to sleep instead
praying the heart would beat dead
oh but i'm wide awake
and the cruelty of memory refuses to break
hold on to the covers as though dangling from a cliff
and just what would happen if i loosened my grip
but all you can feel here is sick
and all of the words like exploding red brick
go back to sleep.
wait for unconsciousness to pounce
wait for the racing heart to slow
slow down, please.
i looked up and watched the clouds merging.
billowing like smoke from some angry volcano
or making shapes for some sweethearted child
i don't know.
it just depends on how you see it, really.
i waited my whole life for this
and it broke me.
it broke me.