is there anyone else who has slightly mysterious bruises?

the last 48 hours have involved...

• crossing the atlantic. sleep deprivation. 
• watching 'he's just not that into you'. 
• falling asleep to nme radio. (it was comforting. not lulling me to sleep) 
• the nicest quickest trip through immigration. 
• 2 cab rides to 2 streets with the same name.
• hugs.
• sleepin. extended 4 hour catnap, really.
• listening to arsenal vs. stoke. tom's side ...far too loud, boys. i could hear you from here.
• friend-makin.
• wine sippin. 
• story-telling.
• hugs and kisses.
• sleeping in.
• shoppin.
• spaghetti bolonaise. & garlic bread
• going out. again.

pictures - 0.

oops.

and it's only day 2. weeeeeee!
 

sing, oh barren woman. fill the air with songs...

apart from the fact that i'm about to wet myself about leaving for london tomorrow... i feel strangely at rest in another facet of my life. like something good is brewin' and is about to begin. like something has ended. and it's been the most annoying sound. like, the kind of sound the chisels itself into your brainwaves. the sort of noise that even when it stops you swear you can hear it? that kind. so as soon as the echoes stop... i'll absorb the silence. and then sing.

it's coming for me.

and finally, dear kasabian and west.ryder.pauper.lunatic.asylum... hurry up.
i mean, don't hurry, cos that would mean it's june already.
but i mean, i'm just letting you know

i am artistically and visually crushed out.

ma famille et moi

this weekend my dad put these on...

and he and my mom downloaded the king's of leon album to their ipods.
apparently, i am a positive influence on my family.
this is still life to my bones.

especially when not feeling very well.

sore throat in the morning. sore throat at night...

i need to be better by the end of the week.
heck, the end of today would suffice nicely.
it's 11:39 am and i'm headed back to bed.
jeepers, mister wilson.
also, i think i have progressed from shaking hands, to hugging, to now full on clinging to singleness. i mean, people are strange things.
so, confirmed bachelorette? YES. i think i like the sound of it more and more.
unfortunately, we all know that there is this jane austin creature living inside. but perhaps we can ship her off to mexico to catch the swine flu, and she'll be quarantined and not come back. hehehehehehe. devious.
finally, i'd also like to try scotch. is that weird that i haven't? or is it more weird that i have this thing about wanting to have a bottle of it that sits on the mantle.
i dont even have a mantle. but if i did...
man, bring back rex harrison-henry higgins type.
because i think we could be best friends.

clearly, without even reading this back, i need sleep.
you know, and therapy.

i don't want to put you in a box; i just want to love you!

note to 95% of 'single' boys predominantly living in the nashville area - esp. those who talk about lovin' jesus: (ok, well, the semi-clean version) :

• please, and i'm asking nicely. please, realise that women are human beings with more than moving body parts. they are not breathing blow-up dolls made for your pleasure.
• they are not varieties of cake, and this is not your cake testing before choosing the perfect one for your wedding. or cars made for test-driving.
• they aren't made for back burners. or to be your in-case-of-emergency-best-friend, who is always there for you when you need anything, especially when reciprocation works only on your inconvenient hours of operation.
• if you plan to remain single for a while longer or have commitment issues, just grow a pair and say so. stop 'practising' the art of romance on beautiful women in order to get some ass, stroke your ego, or get your attention fix. just admit to everyone that you are playing the field, and i assure you, you'll be understood. besides, there are plenty of lovely singles who are bound to come out of the woodwork to play with. quite frankly, i have far more respect for boys who say just that, than i ever will for #$%^*& like you who live scared of everything and pretend and masquerade in order to keep your pretty image.
• if you want something, then, fight for it. because girls are pretty much sick of making this whole process convenient.
• don't pull the God card. oh wait, it's the only one you've got... because essentially a God-card is your way of getting out of a sticky situation that you're too much of a coward to face.
• you make your bed? sleep in it. you mess up a bed, then re-make it. in other words, don't start what you can't finish.
• the silent treatment is a cop-out that bides you time to shut down emotionally and distance yourself from a potentially difficult situation. ummm. yes. this is a GREAT idea. ???
• please understand. this isn't a pointed finger demanding perfection. i'm just sick and tired of boys like you hurting and using and mistreating ladies who've done nothing but take a chance on you. just think a little bit. be a bit more considerate. be a little more thoughtful. be a little more practical before causing a whirlwind romance and then freak out because you can't find the pause button.
• so, if the shoe fits, then, wear it, cinderella. and work it out. life is full of uncertainties. there are no guarantees that the things you hope for will work out. you can't change that. so, don't be afraid to risk! where's your sense of adventure? or stay on the shores until you've mustered the courage. you keep romancing the girls until they are willing to risk, only to get out on the high seas, at which point you freak out and s.o.s your helicopter for one back home, leaving them high and dry. and it always appears that you've lost nothing, in the end.
  listen, we absolutely love you. in this. now. good times and bad. with or without change. but, seriously? i for, one, am utterly angry and enough is enough. (and i wonder why the mentors in your lives say nothing? do they just not know???) i'm just sick of my girl friends all crying and broken and changing and going on these unnecessary journeys of introspection and self-evaluation (for the 100th time today) and life makeovers because of the crap you do. of watching them retreat back into their shells and go through sorrow in ways you'll never know or understand, because you're long gone chasing after the next lover. i know you're better than this. this isn't your heart, so step up. we need you. not more passive men stumbling around in our lives winning our hearts and affections only to declare bankruptsy and skip town.
• if the shoe doesn't fit... then, thank you. more than i'm able to express, thank you.

love.

use somebody.

it seems i'm responding to allergies in a super bad way this season.
it also seems that a certain frustrating and annoying condition has come back after almost a year of relief. it's not cancerous, which is what i should be most thankful for. oh gosh, i'm so so thankful. (oh i realise this sounds very STD-ish. and i assure you it's not) however, it's still incredibly bothersome, and requires me to go back on a medication which i have strong reservations about taking. but it's really the only thing til i can work out surgery.

in spite of all this...

• i have wonderful friends who are so good at coming through to lift me up.
  and make me laugh til i'm crying good tears.
  and encourage me to get my mind off my silly fears and anxieties. (as well as a hand to walk through my justified ones.) i'm trying to get better about asking for help when i need it.
• currently, my heart is in london, nashville, argentina (what? they travel!), nyc, texas, california and fredericksburg.
• a girl stopped me in starbucks today because she liked the necklace i was wearing. she then took the pendant in her hands and inspected it closely. she apologized for invading my personal space…we had a quick little chat…and she made her way. i’m not sure why, but there was some strange comfort in the whole thing. perhaps because it made the world feel a little less disconnected for a minute.
• emilia and i were separated at birth. fact.
• i wish i could curl up with you and go to sleep.

sunrise on the potomac this morning...

apparently my little beat up baby cybershot still has it in her.
of course she does.

let's not say a word. let's just go to sleep.

i'm a fool to want you.