so i had all these plans. and they were fantastic. and now, nothing makes very much sense at all. so i try to look at things with new perspective. step back. see the forest for the trees up in a helicopter kind of thing. and i'm still unable to see where i'm supposed to be going. where i'm supposed to be headed. and who is supposed to come with me?
there are people meant to help me. and i shouldn't be ready to eject and jump ship at the first sign of turmoil, but i've got my finger on the red button. i feel like i'm not being heard. i'm not being understood, by those who are supposed to represent all that i am in my absence. this is a problem. either people are staying absolutely silent and keeping still, or they are this train ready to go and it's alllllaboard time. but i'm not convinced they're trying to take me in the right direction.
can there just be someone who believes in me? who gets what i'm about? who has the necessary qualifications and whatnot to co-pilot this ship with me? because i bloody well can't do it alone!
and then there's that amazing anticipation of spring. of the dead being brought to life. of something beautiful being made of all that has been dry and barren.