Wednesday, December 28, 2011


there's that beautiful laughing face. and even when not smiling, there's laughter in her eyes. the corners of her mouth begging to come up. she's happy. at rest and happy.

she'd been awake for a day, at least. jet-lagged. sleep deprivation marked her face. he was so nervous... talking too fast and then too little... he was "awestruck by her beauty". he said.

words like those don't go easily.

there's this split. equal parts hope and fear.
damn the word, fear and its cold hands and ability to woo a healthy beautiful young woman into a paralytic. its ability to change the atmosphere from that of bright sun to impending hurricane.
i'll spit the names from my mouth with all of the blame.
and leave room for shadows.
all this talk of fighting makes me want to fight every last one who would make a mockery of my love and attempt to entice it from me. greedy mouths feasting on their cake and stealing mine too. and though that fear may shake me, i will stand with clenched teeth and tears. eyes open. i will not move to hold anyone back. i will not cling. i cannot make anyone stay. i cannot move any heart to love. control is an illusion. and it is not my duty to fight here.
but to you who call me your friend. who speak of love. who lie to my face. who disregard commitment and twist daggers. who have no respect for these things.
and you for enticing it. for beckoning. for playing with fire.
i'd rather bloody your face for the betrayal.
i have to bite my tongue from cursing...
and so silent...
yeah, no more.
because, all of this hits too close to home.
and i intend on cutting the tape.
erase my memory.
of a ring on my finger and an invitation to celebrate the first year...
and i am met by silence.
silence like that doesn't go easily.
and ring in the new year
to have your beloved disappear.
silence like that doesn't go easily.
and now, i'm asked to ignore every ounce of intuition
every alarm bell ringing
every intonation in or out of context
close my eyes and smile like a woman at rest.
and tell it to me slow...
words like that don't go easily.
or stain the air with silence.

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