now and then.

i think we took the long way to avoid the traffic.

and all i know is that i was nervous. a thousand emotions came flooding back, but with some sort of distant tone.

and all i know is that i picked up my phone and messaged a best friend who would understand.

i didn't understand the casual nature of her response.

i didn't understand why, though i was nervous, i wasn't completely freaking out.

i didn't care if i impressed him.

i just wanted to revisit the scene.

i just wanted to see…

i walked up to the gate. the same.

i heard the footsteps and pretended to be absorbed in my phone.

i saw his face and remembered.

remembered.

like recalling a distant dream.

the conversations came easy.

we ate. we drank and were merry.

and we recalled the past…

the not so merry part…

or rather, i did…

i just wanted to see.

and forgiveness is a choice, after all…

and after tonight i'd leave that grave behind.

i found myself comparing the similarities.

and realized i was with a shadow of your past.

i saw a man who had let me in.

i saw a man who had received one too many blows.

i saw a man with a loyal heart…

and somewhere in there…

somewhere in his mind's eye he saw that i wasn't the same as all the others.

and he chose to run.

he didn't choose to stay, then.

which brings us to now.

i heard him speak of her…

but from behind the walls.

i heard him speak to her…

but from behind the walls.

and it made me a little sad.

sad to see him still there.

but hopeful that he'd find his way out someday…

like you did.

and i heard myself speak of you…

and i felt the butterflies swarm upward

the rush of blood to the head

and i couldn't wait to tell you again…

and you could hear it in my voice.

you could see it in my eyes.

i could feel myself light up

and i wanted you to feel it...

i wrote this song a while ago with the line,

"and we cried and we cried cause it was good to go free."

and back in the flat, looking over a deserted camden town

i cried and cried because it's so good to be free.

i took my heart to a place where the hurt ran deep

and it didn't hurt anymore

something beautiful has happened here.

something beautiful has begun…

love sent fear packing.

and i don't want it to ever let me go.