Wednesday, June 8, 2011

london calling. i answered.

i feel it's been a while. probably because i've been in a season of constant change. and i'm just letting all of these waves sort of wash over me. trying to soak in it all. trying to verbalize it. but i assure you, it's just under the surface... just in a place where i'm pondering all of these things.

yesterday, i boarded a plane to london. my nervousness usually begins a day before departure, but, this time, it started sneaking in about a week ago or so. i dont think i've ever felt so sick on a flight. i kept eyeing the brown air-sickness bag. yikes. i didn't sleep a wink... just watched films. 2 rom-coms, 1 comedy and 2 tv shows to be precise. and you know what? usually when watching romantic comedies, i get a little melancholy and perhaps wistful... thinking, "aw, perhaps someday..." or "i want to feel that", but for the first time, i could identify with these stories unfolding. i think it's one of the first times i've fully enjoyed those kinds of films because my own heart was full.

so we landed late... and i think my cab driver had been up for ages, because he kept falling asleep at the wheel. this little baby was praying for sure. got to the flat, and i'm so happy to see that matt is continuing his efforts to take over the world. i slept for a bit, then ventured out, finally. a man stopped me, to ask for directions... he was, as he put it, sure that i MUST be a londoner... i looked like a londoner. and he was so surprised that i wasn't... as though i'd completely fooled him. i took it as a high compliment.

the first of gigs is tomorrow night...
the point of this trip, mainly being to get this musical ball rolling again.
but, i'm feeling like a little kid with pebbles staring down goliath or something.
and my heart feels a bit more mousey than that of a lion.

i would like to say how thankful i am for an amazing boyfriend who is absolutely incredibly encouraging... and behind me a thousand percent. so thankful for those family members and friends who have been hyper-sensitive to my heart and who have been so so uplifting.

"these hands don't work, but yours will do just fine. tonight, i'll leave myself behind and run into your light. i am broken, but that's just your type."

welp. here goes....

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