i live in a city sorrow built. it's in my honey. it's in my milk. now that spring is finally here in your hollow heart, drive through the forest and into the night. away from the city, away from the lights.
to use a michael shepard-ism... i feel emotionally 'calm and reticent.'
i feel as though my heart has been stripped of all of the weights and ties and walls, and as freeing as that is... i now, find myself incredibly vulnerable.
i'm tired of learning to say goodbye to people i care deeply about.
i'm tired of hiding myself away in the name of self-preservation.
i'm tired of the revolving door in my life, through which people come and go.
i'm tired of being unable to fully enjoy people because of the fear that they'll be leaving soon. my eyes are always on the door.
in other news, i went for a hike/adventure today... i'm still so excited about it. i felt like i did when i was a little girl following unknown paths in the woods by the river just to see where it took me. found the quarry, finally...after years of wondering where it was and how to get to it. annnd the way to get to those giant billboards tucked away in the trees that you can see from the highway. it was a very good day.
i feel like myself again.
i'd just like to rest here a while.
and listen to the new national record for days while exploring hidden trails or driving to the ocean.