i've come to the conclusion: either i've got a severe case of allergies worse than nashville kind. (is that even real?!) or something is going on with my body. because it's a frantic case of crazy aches and dizziness and nausea and overall grossness that isn't even alright.
thankfully local native tunes make me happy.
aaaalways "new" music to be found like treasures round a sunken ship.
i'm developing an anger... rather disgust for someone. it's a new emotion. hmm. well, not new. just new towards the person.
i really don't want to have these sorts of feelings. but man, mistrust is blossoming right alongside hope this spring. weird, huh? let's weed this garden.
because i had this horrid dream last night. to think of it makes me get super emotional. it was awful. i was faced with the darkest places of myself. what my uncontrolled temper is capable of. and it was crippling someone i love most. i was watching it happen. and it made me more angry, because i couldn't stop it. i'd like to forget it. but not the meaning. that the power of life and death is truly in the tongue. you can lift people up or you can cripple them with your words...with your tone.
and i'm sorry.
there are also people i've decided not to like. and for good reason.
but this isn't love, is it?
i'm a spoiled brat sometimes. dang.
man. something is going on. it's like, there's no room for this bitterness that's grown up here. there's no room for this pride... nothing good comes from a prideful heart anyway. songs that taste like bitter water. salty water. they quench nothing. only make you thirst for more. humility doesn't mean becoming a doormat. it's like meekness...also not synonomous with weakness...but rather a strength under control.
i need sleep and laughter and a hug, i think.