Friday, March 9, 2012

i can't believe it's march already. spring is trying so very hard to push out winter... it will come eventually. just wait.

life feels like it's in a winter snap that just doesn't want to end, as well. as though the remnants of 2011 latched on to the baby's breath of 2012. and more still the way that the old familiar figure of depression has taken over my house. try as i might, i've been unsuccessful at sending him packing. so, i just sort of thought i could co-exist. and now the light in my eyes has been dimmed. the bright young thing nearly switched off. the creative thoughts replaced with a web of lies and a system of levers and pulleys keeping them in constant motion.

i've been miserable and on the brink of absolute madness.
i could feel my heartbeat slow...
i told him to leave
he told me no.
i'm not taking no for an answer this time.
so i called them all in
and they prayed over my broken body
knit it back together with psalms and hymns and encouraging songs...
they sang over me... just an echo, though. the most beautiful echoes...
i can feel the resistant cold fingers tightly wrapped around my heart
like my chest could cave under the pressure
and in these early days, there is nothing but questions.
and the paralyzing fear that the answers may never show.

but i know it's here.
the undeniable almost unnoticeable rebirth of hope.

let me unlearn the lies.
kick out fear.
send depression away.
they aren't mine.
return to sender.
lift my head.
restore me.
and let the adventure begin.

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