Tuesday, March 8, 2011

what i heard... [before the dam broke]

he strummed

and our ears strained to listen beyond the obvious

our heads flooded with a thousand educated guesses at what he might be hearing when he plays those chords, it creates an atmosphere.

nonetheless, i'll speak for myself.

it makes the chaos and tremors of those worries just wailing away in my head subside.

the music makes them quiet.

and maybe that's why i run so hard.

my whole body working together with me to silence the voice of that relentless prima donna singing the worst case scenario

maybe that's why i will escape this quiet sanctuary any chance i get.

remember the first time your heart was broken?

and how the infection made your soul sick?

those vows we make… those fortress building vows… i made them.

rejection and abandonment inspired my heart to wish for nothing more than to disown itself.

i remember wanting to take the word 'stoic' and somehow make it part of my dna.

over and over, plotting the assassination...to shut it all down and become someone else.

but something feels wrong when the gun is loaded and cocked…

the trigger beckons, and i never did have the guts to squeeze it.

and now, the dam struggles under the weight trying to hold back an ocean.

and all of the friends who really see glimpses of what moves behind these brown eyes know that it's only a matter of time.

i am holding myself back.

and when it all falls down…

you'll hear it. you'll see it. you'll feel it.

until then, you'll strain your ears to listen beyond the obvious

and your heads will be flooded with a thousand educated guesses at what i might be hearing when i play those sparse chords…

1 comment:

Sugar & Spice said...

It is so amazing and so beautiful you really are very very talented .