Sunday, January 23, 2011

fools on parade. truman show. [help. p-p-p-piglet. me.]

"i'm not afraid of being hurt..." i said, to both of them.
It's kind of like any illness that's so annoying you wish you were dead. And obviously, if you let it get out of control or don't take antibiotics, it will kill you. But you won't die. It just sucks for a while and you get better. No. I'm afraid of being made a fool of. I'm afraid of looking stupid. I'm afraid of feeling like that dumb, fat, inadequate girl who isn't found attractive or ever loved in return. I'm afraid of something being so clear to everyone else around me, and I am the only one choosing not to see it. That's the real hardcore truth. It's so dumb, but that's how I feel. That is what I'm afraid of. Being a fool on parade in almost every aspect of my life.

she said, "yeah, you need to overcome those ideas. I struggle with them too, but I also have to daily remind myself when it boils down to it, this isn't the truman show, and all that matters is what you feel and think is right... is right."

she said, "the moment you begin to mistrust someone or their feelings for you, a wall goes up. and you don't even realise you're building it. but you are. and it's up. and it causes them to retreat."

this is not the truman show.
but, i can't get these walls down.

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