Thursday, October 30, 2008

it's good to be home.

in the words of kermit the frog, "i haven't been feeling quite like myself lately."
i just keep trying to remember that all of these things are temporary problems. but, the bills are due, and there's no job yet. and my patience is nearly non-existant. my trust is waning and anxiety waxing. and yet, that all too familiar tightening in my chest hasn't come since the dam holding back all of my emotions exploded sometime last week... my grandma simply said, "what's on your mind?" and i let it all out...said everything. and i just cried. cried. cried.
i have no answers. just do what you can do, and wait.

so now, i'm back in my childhood home. back in my hometown. i'm lost in all of the familiar sights and sounds and smells and tastes. it's funny how opening an old kitchen cabinet door can flood your mind with memories of playing with pots and pans and baking. the walk in closet, and the way i used to pray that the back would open up for me into narnia. the same spot on the ceiling where the paint is peeling, that i'd stare at before falling asleep.

i had completely forgotten how beautiful downtown fredericksburg really is. how enchanting it is. and why on earth i was in love with this town as a child... always living in a world of make-believe... that i was born in a different time. my mind, constantly racing between the colonial cobblestone streets to the trees lining the river, pretending to be an indian princess doing my best not to make a sound on the crunchy leaves.

be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.

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