love fool.

that heart swell.

crazy beating like a drummer gone spastic

like the dog's tail when he's beside himself with excitement

sometimes i'm positive it will cause an explosion

so just figuring ways to let it out
because all my utterances feel so inadequate.

i like when you come home

i like when you're next to me

all is right with the world, even if it isn't.

and the little brushes of the hand, i still notice

i climb inside your head every so often

and keep getting surprised when i find myself there.

it's not la vie en rose...

but it all does just look and feel a little different

a little better.

fear fool.

just wondering if this vacant sensation will always stay.

gorgeous lilies to my left.

they aren't mine, but they don't have to be to enjoy them.

to brighten the eyes a little.

and everything hurts a little.

a little sore.

just wondering if the heady feeling would return.

or is this the sort of weight you just have to get used to?

i mean, because i won't.

started writing love notes.

and i was humming hymns under my breath

the kind that tend to dissolve the shadows a little

going on a spiel

one of those romantic tantrums

and i stayed awake without getting tired

but let the chemicals get a little out of balance and i start...

start it up.

question marks everywhere they don't belong?

it's harder to pretend it feels ok.

but at least i've got that everliving smile in my voice.

and i keep saying thank you.

all.

the.

time.

as though it's all such an damned imposition.

did i just gain your disapproval?

whatever you do, swim.

don't you dare begin to sink.

new year.

stop the shivering and shaking.

no quaking.

questioning. stopped.

it's the middle of winter and i could taste spring.

i could feel it all around us.

i could hear it singing.

echoing the splash.

echoing the chorus.

where we fell.

the beautiful collision.

i regret my failings.

but let them go.

but i'll not regret what has become of it.

we are fires in the night

and lit the fuses

dropped the bombs

and watched our walls crumble.

i'll call your smile back

like the warm of the sun

slow and easy

and filling the rooms with lights

flooded corridors

disarm.

and it's just you and me here now.

alarm bells are ringing, willy.

i feel like i just woke up out of a rip-van-winkle kind of sleep... like i disappeared so far into myself that i nearly went mad.

oh my god.

it's time for some thanksgiving.

friday the thirteenth rebuddle.

grace.