there is a season...turn. turn. turn.

i felt it.
the first taste of autumn...
like the sound of familiar keys, or footsteps...
i cannot wait for pumpkin spiced things and candles, and sweatshirts, and leaves changing colours and all sorts of marvelous things.

a woman i know said something to me that was incredibly encouraging...
she likened this time in my life where there are so many things hanging in the balance, so many loose ends, so many things i'd like to freak out about, so many things to be done, and so little time...
it's like setting up dominoes.
it's tedious.
but when it's finished. when you just hang in there and persevere...
it just takes one gentle nudge, and everything falls into place in such a gorgeous way.

i need to remember this...
gosh, it's hard, though. i've become so good at panicking.

good afternoon, gentlemen.

i went to starbucks and it put me in the worst mood.
i know, unbelievable.
however, a conversation with guy put me in a lovely mood.
i didn't realise until then just how much i haven't talked about the excitement fluttering around:
one: there's a new track that's been recorded. (at metropolis and miloko studios in london) now on to the mix...
two: i have legal representation, officially. aw, snap!
three: things are moving along quite nicely.

it seems i've left my phone at home. which makes me feel unbelievably naked.
actually, i wouldn't mind so much were it not that i had to do the long commute and things.

my finger is just fine, albeit a little sore, after stabbing it with a pencil yesterday.
don't underestimate the power of no.2 pencils.

i want to buy a coffee press. and matt's coffee.

i think i could sleep for a week.

ground control to major tom.

the flight was pretty empty. less than half the plane, i'd say. so as soon as the 'fasten seatbelts' light went off, everyone jumped up and ran for the center isles. so i found myself curled up across 3 seats, drifting off to sleep with the sound of kids running around, excited that they were staying up late and watching movies and things. so when i woke up, i felt very much like snow white, to see all of these babies and kids tucked in blankets in the seats and isles around me. so cute.

the steward that was in charge of everything came by and offered me a warm fruit muffin from the business class... which he strangely didn't do with anyone else. sweet as pie. went through customs (strangely fast) and then headed out to see my name on a card in the hands of a driver. and off i we went to this parking garage, where a black mercedes awaited.

no, none of this was a dream.

the exit has this twisty thing that looks like a spiral staircase. but instead of stairs, you drive round and round like a playschool toy for toddlers. fun, but makes you a bit woozy.

so i've just discovered that i'm having the day off today. which is strange, as i'm not really sure what i'm going to do with myself. probably go looking for some sort of ensemble for the meeting tomorrow and photos. gah! AND i'm on a quest for a coffee table for the boys. under £200 pounds... a conversational piece and match the current decor. and i am up for the challenge.

the more time i spend here, the more i realise it's absolutely where i'm meant to be. but, for so many reasons this will be easier said than done. ugh.

still nervous and slightly cynical about many of the goings on... which i'd really like to be full-on excited about. but things change so quickly. everything you think you have figured out, changes and just isn't at all.

i'm just trying to do the best i can with everything that's coming along, but i'm feeling insecure about a lot of things too. and feeling confused. walking a strange line of trying to be understanding, and not offended, and yet not be made a fool of.

many things swirling around my brain.

alas. i'm off to explore.

sunday's on the phone to monday. tuesday's on the phone to me...

tomorrow night, after work, i leave for london.
the world has gone quiet.
and i need a lot of affirmation right now.
but these are the strengthening times.
and more details regarding the trip have come to my attention...
which, i'll keep mum for the moment. however, i'll tell you this much:

i'm someplace between utter elation and throwing up and crying.

packity. pack. pack.

shake me, skyscraper.

Take her in to that space.
The span becoming an embrace.
Note her way. Her pace.
Sweet, Innocent face.
But, If her secrets were plain
Would you see things the same?
If you knew the sentences and crimes
Her hands brimming with fines

Would you ever guess
She was a mistress
Lost a game or two of conquest
Tried to take on the very best
And so run to her defense
A truth we all can sense
She didn’t know better
Like a bird sings from the fetters

Look deep in her eyes
They cannot speak lies
But they have known lies
Like a corpse strewn with flies
Like the first, was deceived
Like the first, she would bleed
Like the first, he’d succeed
Like the first, he would flee

Scarlet letter on her chest
Moves so easy through the rest
Gently risen to the scaffold
Brushes past the baroness
Oh hush now, your heart, my sweet
As it cries out in defeat
This, the end of the story
It simply cannot be

For all fallen short
All adorned with skinned knees
Wrap her up in forgiveness?
Or hang her from the trees?
Cover her in shame?
Or renew her hope with grace?
Scars where tears where traced?
Or has love, all this, erased?